It doesn’t matter what you do, as long as you’re basically a good person.
What can you do for me?
There are lots of ways to God. I’m just one of them.
I’m too busy.
God just wants you to be happy.
Love straight people, Caucasians, and Republicans, as I have loved straight people, Caucasians, and Republicans.
And lo, I will be with you most of the time.
I think God will understand if …
Just put me somewhere near the top of things that are important to you.
Keep those people away from me.
Nothing is more important to the Kingdom than winning elections.
Sorry, but I didn’t pick you before the beginning of time, so no salvation for you. “Whosoever” doesn’t mean everyone.
Go ye therefore into all Nations and make a stink about social issues.
After what you’ve done?
For God so loved the religious that He gave his only begotten son …
Don’t worry about hell.
Sell something you don’t need and give it to the poor.
The people I love the most don’t have any problems.
Just do your best. That’s all that matters.
By this they will know you are my disciples, if you don’t have drums in church.
Your sins are forgiven. Now go do whatever makes you happy.
I don’t love you.